I think I had an “Aha” moment this week. While watching Finding Joe, it occurred to me that I do not know what my bliss is!
As I consider some of the things mentioned, I think I have it all wrong.
- What do I love doing (when the hours feel like minutes)?
- What made me different (even when I was a kid)?
- If there was no constraint of time or money, what would I do?
My DMP does not reflect my answers to these questions. Instead, I have focused on the method, rather than the ideal! Coming into this class I had no idea what to do with myself, and at one point I thought it became clear. Now I am more uncertain than before. As I look at those questions, I find myself able to answer those questions, but because I cannot attach a method to make it profitable I dismiss the idea. I was listening to Tony Hawk and realizing how bizarre it is to earn a living skateboarding for goodness sakes! And there was the other guy who left college, and waited 3 months before he had any direction for his future.
It gave me hope. Hope that I can still find my bliss. Hope that I’m not too old and it’s not too late. I must find my authentic self and discover my deepest passion, my greatest gifts…to find the thing I can’t not do. “Trust the deep impulse within us.”
This movie was deeply unsettling. I guess that is the point. I realize that even the things in my DMP are possibly the projection of others’ expectations that I have accepted. While I am excited to have had this awakening, I feel much less certain about what to do about it. How does this affect my homework – since so much of it is based on my current DMP? In some ways I feel so much more confused, and in other ways I feel light and hopeful. Maybe all this turmoil I have is because I am trying to make myself want something I don’t really want! OMG!